Filtered to trusted those in the know (Not Chiara)

[suave_thomas]

Hi. I'm home. And rather achey, really. But I'm doing okay. Abby and Mr Razvan Hat are looking after me, and Gavin's coming round to help me work out this whole 'spy ordeal' because it's about damn time. I can report it's not Chiara. Rolf did his scanny thing. It's not Ryn either. So we're a bit at a loss at the moment, but we'll narrow it down soon. Oh I hope.

It occurs to me that everyone might not know what's going on. Apparently I have zombie-fever (according to Joe...) and I've been here too often without enough recovery time in the beyond between visits. Because the last time I was only where I belonged for a few hours, the stress of that and everything I've been through lately combined and I'm sort of...falling apart. Hopefully less literally than that, but it is a possibility... My injuries aren't healing like they used to and my mind is all...susceptible to things which is why I'm acting funny. PTSD caused by zombie-fever. My injuries can't kill me still because...already dead, but they hurt like a bitch. I lost a lot of blood the other day, and my dear Peter was kind enough to give me some of his to make up for it...he's incredible.

And old injuries are coming back. The burns the Templar gave me have showed up again, and my shoulders are starting to swell. The Templar had me on a strappado. They're okay for now, but if my arms suddenly dislocate, I'm not going to be pleased. Though really...that's less terrible than other things that could recur. Which I am not going to horrify anyone with, who hasn't already been horrified. So far though...none of...that. Which, good. I'm trying to work fast though. Rolf says he's seen this before and it does move slowly, but if certain things recur before I accomplish what I'm here for (there was a certain...ripping in half incident) I could end up stuck here...like that. Because you can't accomplish much while ripped in half. And I'm really much less calm about that than I sound...

So...that's me really. And, I would like to state for the reassurance of certain sexy rock stars, when I fell asleep in Peter's bed last night, it was because I was too exhausted to go home, and Aly crawled in there with me hours later, to keep an eye on me. I didn't know she was there until I woke up this morning, and I was so shocked, I squealed a rather unmanly squeal and feel out of the bed. Which ow.

I love you, Spectre.

Comments

[in-spectre-mors.livejournal.com]

I love you too, Thomas. I wish I could help with that whole spy mess, but even if I were there, I don't think there's anything I could do that Rolf couldn't. I'd like to make sure you get out of here before things progress, though. I have faith you'll manage it anyway, though. We seem to have a knack for dealing with these things. Goodness knows we have the experience behind us.

Thank you for your reassurance regarding Aly, not that I needed it as such. It's still good to hear it. Knowing that you're thinking about it is a good boost to my confidence. Not that my confidence is in dire need of boosting... you know what I mean. Just thank you.

We're in Belgium today. It's very nice here, and I do believe there will be shopping for chocolates soon. Stereotypical, I know, but sometimes one must embrace these things.

[suave-thomas.livejournal.com]

You could follow me around everywhere looking quite sexy and adorable and wearing leather and that skull shirt and maybe singing because your voice is gorgeous and even possibly dancing about. Not that I'm specific or anything.... I got carried away there... Yes. Knack good. Love Spectre.

I do know what you mean, Gorgeous. Of course I do. And you're welcome. I tend to think about you all the time...

Oh, chocolates! I want some! I have to settle for London chocolates though... Which will suit me fine. I'm still hungry and it's very, very weird...

[in-spectre-mors.livejournal.com]

Well, when you put it like that, I think it's something I could just about manage. Next time we're in the same place, my Thomas, I will do just that. And thank you. I'm so glad you enjoy my voice, because I love to sing for you. In an audience, or alone, or any time at all, really.

I think about you all the time, too. I wish you'd been able to stay with us longer, but I'm glad you're receiving the very best care whilst getting done what needs to be done.

I'd send some to you, but I don't know that they'd get through customs. Next time, if at all possible, we can visit Belgium together.

[suave-thomas.livejournal.com]

Something to look forward to! Though I always have that, thanks to you. I love it when you sing to me. It's like...nothing I've ever experienced. Will you sing to me on the phone later? I also like that deep smoky thing you do, but you don't have to do that later if you don't want.

I certainly am that. I've never had someone give me their blood before. But it certainly proves that I'll be taken care of...

You're gorgeous. Just so beyond utterly gorgeous.

[in-spectre-mors.livejournal.com]

I always look forward to you as well, Thomas. Of course I'll sing to you over the phone, though I can't promise the high notes won't crackle. We'll see about the smokey thing.

Well, I would have liked for you to never have to have blood given. But circumstances being as there are, I'm just glad and intensely relieved there was someone to do it.

Thank you, Thomas. I do believe you are, too.

[suave-thomas.livejournal.com]

I don't care if they crackle, long as it's not you crackling because that would mean there was something wrong and that's bad. We'll see?! I like that! I could be all smokey first! If...it'd help.

So am I. Even if I didn't want to let him. Not passing out is good and useful.

Really? Good. Goodgoodgood.

[in-spectre-mors.livejournal.com]

No crackling for me, I assure you. If there is, it's the venue's fault! Smokey Thomas might help. Not with crackling, probably, but with Spectre smoke. Though now I'm imagining myself with Flynn's cigarettes...?

Good and useful does seem to sum that up, yes.

And really. Very much so.

[suave-thomas.livejournal.com]

Or a rather odd illusion? Smokey Thomas you shall have, my love. And any other Thomas you want too. Always. Also, ew, cigarettes are gross. Even if sometimes I do steal Peter's, but that's only to take them from him...

Thank you.

[in-spectre-mors.livejournal.com]

Oh yes. The thought of actually smoking fills me with dread. I don't want to end up sounding like Carrie Fisher!

Always is a very good amount of time.

[suave-thomas.livejournal.com]

...Oh dear, Sexy. That would not be fortuitous.

I think the very same thing about always! And I'd like to talk to you. Tasha just said some things that made a damn lot of sense... And I'm feeling better. And I'd..like to talk and then give that smokey thing a whirl. If you're up for that.

Which I didn't mean to make a pun...but if it fits, I'm not going to complain.

[in-spectre-mors.livejournal.com]

Wonderful! Tasha is fantastic. I'm so glad she was able to help, and that you're feeling better. That's excellent news.

As for the up... am I allowed to say, "We'll see" again? Because I don't want to make promises, even if it does sound appealing. Talking is definitely a go, though. Always. Hee, there's that word again.

[suave-thomas.livejournal.com]

I'm glad she was too.

Honey, you're allowed to say anything you want! You can even say no, you know I won't mind. Really. I won't even pout. I was just letting you know I would be okay with it, but if you're not, then you're not. And I know it's nothing against me. Absolutely. You know I always understand you and I would never want you to do anything you didn't want to do.

Besides, I hear you got a rather interesting platter yesterday... No one's ever given me one of those before, though being a monk probably had something to do with it!!

[in-spectre-mors.livejournal.com]

Honestly, I don't know whether I'm going to want to or not. I think we'll really only find out when we get there. Thank you for understanding, though. Not that I would ever think you wouldn't. And it certainly is nothing against you. So yes... there shall be seeing.

I'm probably going to dream about monks with sex toy platters now, though. Which is certainly trippy, I'll give it that... "Cyberskin of Christ." "Amen"...

[suave-thomas.livejournal.com]

Then we'll find out when we get there. Seeing is good. You won't upset me if the seeing turns out to go no further. I just want you to know that.

Oh dear...? Couldn't you just dream about me instead? With...a sex toy platter?

[in-spectre-mors.livejournal.com]

I do know, but thank you for saying. Saying is always good. I love hearing what you have to say, even when I know what it will be.

Well, I never said which monk, now did I?

[suave-thomas.livejournal.com]

I.Love.You.

:D!

And yay! Me dreams! Though you should dream me better hair...

[in-spectre-mors.livejournal.com]

I. Love. You. Too!

Better than monk hair, you mean? Count on it.

[suave-thomas.livejournal.com]

Excellent.

And good!! Because that is necessary!

[empress-tasha.livejournal.com]

...

I am extremely unimpressed with this so-called zombie fever. Is there anything we can do to help? With your symptoms, or your mission, as it were? You know I'd do absolutely anything to aid you. I'm so sorry that everything you've been put through has resulted in this. God, I wish we'd done things differently. Apparently no good deed goes unpunished.

I love you, Thomas. Always. And I love my dad. After what he did for you, that just needed saying.

[suave-thomas.livejournal.com]

Well if we're wishing we'd done things differently, I still think I win there. And by that I mean I lose... It's okay, we'll just deal with it and it'll all be over soon. And we'll know what not to do in the future. Every mistake has it's upside in the learning. If you can think of anyone who might be giving information to the Templar, let me know, but I know you would have done that already anyway.

I love you too. And Peter. He's incredible and I'll never forget what he did for me.

Screened

[empress-tasha.livejournal.com]

I suppose you have a point there. And we're certainly learning. Though if next time, you weren't the guinea pig, that would be okay with me. As for the spy thing, I've been giving it a lot of thought. The only person I can think of who is involved with us to that degree, and whom we don't know well enough to trust implicitly, is Allanah. And I hate to say her, because she's done a lot of good in a short amount of time. But she is a mind-reader, if she was telling the truth, so who knows what information she might have gained from us without our knowledge. She'd know who all our supernaturals are, and she's had contact with Tamm, who would know all about the ins and outs of the hospital. On the other hand, she was instrumental in saving you and kicking Amaris' ridiculously skinny arse, not to mention she watched over Peter and Aly's anniversary. It's just... that's not the most comforting thought if she isn't to be trusted, after all. After Robert... it's hard to know what to think.

Screened

[suave-thomas.livejournal.com]

I'd still rather be the guinea pig than anyone else. Really.

And you have a good point. I hate to think her too, but it's better to be safe than sorry...

Re: Screened

[empress-tasha.livejournal.com]

I know you would. That's just one of many incredibly wonderful things about you, sweet Thomas.

Do you think Rolf could read her, as he did Chiara? I know he's old and insanely powerful, but if she does have crazy mind powers, it's probably best to proceed very cautiously.

Screened

[suave-thomas.livejournal.com]

There has to be something wonderful about me.

It'd probably be more difficult...but he HAS been dealing with this stuff for centuries. I'll just make sure he knows she's all...psychic.

Re: Screened

[empress-tasha.livejournal.com]

Many. Many wonderful things. I love you, Thomas. One mistake, especially at a time when you're obviously in a bit of a state, does not make you less in my eyes. Especially when you're working so hard to rectify it.

Knowledge is good. I'm really, really glad we all share the way we do.

Screened

[suave-thomas.livejournal.com]

It makes me less in my eyes. In fact it makes me so disgusted with myself that I want to tell Spectre to stop wasting his time, but I know that'd hurt him more and after what I've done, he really doesn't deserve anything except my complete commitment to make things better. That's the only reason I'm bothering with any of it... But I love you too.

Sorry for sharing that...

Re: Screened

[empress-tasha.livejournal.com]

He does deserve your commitment, and I can well see that you're giving it to him. He's chosen you, and Spectre is no fool. If he felt that you didn't have it in you to make good on what happened, he wouldn't still be with you. He obviously feels that you're worthy and deserving of his love. What I'm sure he doesn't believe is that you deserve this self-loathing. It's not good for you, and what's not good for you is not good for Spectre. It's fine to hate what happened. I do too. But you are not the action. I love you just as much as I always did. You need to give yourself a break, too. You're not disgusting, so don't be disgusted with yourself. If you had gone in with the intention of doing what you both did, then that would be disgusting. If you did it again, knowing how much it hurt Spectre, that would be disgusting. But you did neither of those things. You fucked up, like people do. And frankly, after what you went through, I'm just glad it wasn't worse. Because it could have been. What people like Amaris and the Templar do is specifically designed to fuck people up. And so after insane amounts of torture, they got a sliver of ground. But you know what? You took it right back, and you beat them at the time, too. So give yourself the credit you deserve, while keeping in mind your mistake, and how you can and are fixing it. Thus endeth the lesson.

Sorry to... well, lecture...

Screened

[suave-thomas.livejournal.com]

Never ever apologise for passing on wisdom, Tasha.

Thank you. I needed to hear that. And I don't have enough energy to respond to everything you said, so just let me tell you you're brilliant. You're right. Absolutely. I'll pull myself out of this funk, though it might just be caused by zombie fever anyway...damn thing.

Heh...I can't help thinking how very much like Peter you are.

Re: Screened

[empress-tasha.livejournal.com]

I shan't apologise then, even if I have gotten pretty good at it.

You're absolutely welcome, Thomas. You don't need to respond to everything. To know you understood is enough. I think you're right, what you're feeling may well be linked to zombie fever. But that's not to belittle your feelings. You still need to work through them, because they are your feelings, and those never deserve belittling.

And Thomas, thank you so much. That's the best thing I could possibly here. You made me blush, and that's not easy. Smile, too. Though that you do do easily.

Screened

[suave-thomas.livejournal.com]

I think I'm getting pretty good too.

I'm working on working through them. It's a process, but one I know I need to do.

You're very welcome. It's very true. The effect you have both had on one another is absolutely wonderful. I couldn't be more glad that he has you for a daughter, and really, neither could he.

Re: Screened

[empress-tasha.livejournal.com]

Processes are good. If you can take it a little bit at a time, you'll get to where you need to be without getting overwhelmed.

Awww! You say the best things. I love being his daughter. I'm so glad it's as good for him as it is for me.

[seminalsemiotic.livejournal.com]

Ripping in half? Oh Goddess...

My Thomas... I don't want this to happen to you. I hate that you're suffering. Again. As if once wasn't bad enough. I want to help so badly, but I don't know what more I can do than Abby. I could come give you love? I'm good at love!

[suave-thomas.livejournal.com]

Well I'm whole again now! For...the moment...

I like the love! As long as it is within appropriate parameters. Which I know it will be. But we should probably refrain from the groping... Just, you know...'cause.

[seminalsemiotic.livejournal.com]

That's not entirely reassuring...

I know. All my love will be entirely appropriate, and given freely to you.

[suave-thomas.livejournal.com]

I know, but I don't think there's much I can say about it that would be...

Thank you, Renee. I think I'm in great need of that.

[seminalsemiotic.livejournal.com]

Fair point, and I'm glad you were honest about it. I'd want things no other way between us.

You're always welcome, sweetheart.

[suave-thomas.livejournal.com]

I've certainly never had a problem with honesty.

[seminalsemiotic.livejournal.com]

I know *smiles and hugs*

[slinkster-ghoul.livejournal.com]

Oh god Thomas...

[suave-thomas.livejournal.com]

I'm in the best possible place I could be for this. We'll work it out.

[slinkster-ghoul.livejournal.com]

I know...

It's just... ew. And ow. Mostly ow. And ew. I do not believe I hate anyone more than the Templars. Well okay, one per- demon, but the templars are a big fucking second on my list and it's ont fair that they can still fuck with you ever after you're dead!!

*fumes*

[suave-thomas.livejournal.com]

No, it's not fair. Nothing they do is. They're horrible and disgusting as is everything they stand for. Which is why I will find this sneaky spy they have and take care of it.

Also, ow and ew are quite correct.