Ruminations of an Afterlife

Hey, baby. First of all YAY MARA! Second of all YAY Quinn and Flynn! And third of all, I told you I talked to your father over LJ yesterday. I went on for ages about how wonderful you are because he wanted to know more about you? Apparently what I said had an effect on him. He wrote me this today.

I was up all night thinking about what you said, Thomas. I can see your point of view. I think, however, that you are operating with information I don't have.

You once proposed that you show me this...place you call the Beyond. I need to know for sure. To see it for myself. If I am going to know for sure that your homosexuality does not condemn you to hell, I need to see the proof.

If I see that...I think I can accept your relationship. I trust now that you would not be using Adrian's powers to fool me. You reached out to me and you would not have gone through all of this if it was as easy as creating an illusion. I am ready when you are.

We haven't had time to do it before because I was here and then there was touring and then I was here again. I'll be gone in a few days, which is for the best, because I'm getting a bit sore. When I'm gone, it would probably be the right time to bring him to the Beyond. I'll be there, and he can see being gay doesn't send you to Hell. Just make sure Mums or someone is there with your body as well, like we said, though I worry much less about him hurting you these days. It just can't hurt to have someone else he trusts there.

Unless you're not ready for this? If you're not, it's perfectly okay, Babe. Rushing into things never works out.

Also, have I mentioned how attractive your tight little body is when you wear your swimmers? Because yowza.

As much as I hate the shite I went through at the end of my second life, I have to say some of the knowledge came in handy. Eating, even though I don't feel hunger, still makes the pull less. Like the energy which would go nowhere, goes to fighting it. So, once again, I am eating like a machine. It's going okay.

Scarlett still isn't ready to go home so I'm going to stay here with her. Stephie too. Marie and James come to see us every day. And today I went to see your father again and he started asking about kids. He wanted to know if you had any natural children from 'sleeping around as he did in his youth' (I patted him) and I said I was pretty sure you hadn't slept with a woman, but then I realised I don't actually know for sure. I never asked.

ANYway, I didn't tell him about James and Marie because for some reason the idea of him knowing about them still scares me. I don't want him to decide that they're the next generation of warriors for God or something. The idea of them going through what you went through makes me so sick. Maybe after he sees Hell is a lie. Maybe then.

I love you.

You know what's weird? Besides Peter dying for like the 37th time. Every time I go to see Samson Mors, he looks at me like I'm the second coming. (Ahahahha! Sorry, dirty mind. ...oh fuck GROSS!) I don't know why. In his mind I used to be the terrible ex-monk who corrupted his angel son and condemned him to Hell. Nevermind that my husband has been gay from the day he was born and I had nothing to do with it. I was just the lucky one he took on a date to the aquarium one April day I won't ever forget. Now he gets this weird look on his face, like he's trying to he grumpy but can't be and then he says, "Thomas!" like he's excited, and he instantly gets me started talking about some book of the Bible or other. He says he wants my opinion. Even though technically, by his standards, my opinion should mean less than nothing. Clearly it doesn't and that gives me a lot of hope.

And that got me thinking. While he's much more pleasant to be around lately, he's still 100% sure I'm condemning his son to Hell, and myself with him. He says things like, "can't you boys just be friends?" No, Samson. Sorry. I'm in love with your son and part of that involves things you don't approve of. I have mentioned I'm dead. He skirts the issue. Maybe...it's time he sees the Beyond? Sometime when I'm there so we can ensure he doesn't end up getting stuck or messed with by a certain hoor named Sacrifice.

I think...if he saw it, even though he wouldn't remember a great deal of it, he wouldn't fear Hell anymore. He's starting to show the man behind the monster. I used to think you would be hard-pressed to find a worse example of a human being in his world, but the things he did, he did out of fear. Fear that was drilled in to him by his own father, and which he then tried to drill into his own kids. If we could take the fear away, it just might be okay. I hope. And I do have hope for him. Which is saying an awful lot.