Ruminations of an Afterlife

You know what's weird? Besides Peter dying for like the 37th time. Every time I go to see Samson Mors, he looks at me like I'm the second coming. (Ahahahha! Sorry, dirty mind. ...oh fuck GROSS!) I don't know why. In his mind I used to be the terrible ex-monk who corrupted his angel son and condemned him to Hell. Nevermind that my husband has been gay from the day he was born and I had nothing to do with it. I was just the lucky one he took on a date to the aquarium one April day I won't ever forget. Now he gets this weird look on his face, like he's trying to he grumpy but can't be and then he says, "Thomas!" like he's excited, and he instantly gets me started talking about some book of the Bible or other. He says he wants my opinion. Even though technically, by his standards, my opinion should mean less than nothing. Clearly it doesn't and that gives me a lot of hope.

And that got me thinking. While he's much more pleasant to be around lately, he's still 100% sure I'm condemning his son to Hell, and myself with him. He says things like, "can't you boys just be friends?" No, Samson. Sorry. I'm in love with your son and part of that involves things you don't approve of. I have mentioned I'm dead. He skirts the issue. Maybe...it's time he sees the Beyond? Sometime when I'm there so we can ensure he doesn't end up getting stuck or messed with by a certain hoor named Sacrifice.

I think...if he saw it, even though he wouldn't remember a great deal of it, he wouldn't fear Hell anymore. He's starting to show the man behind the monster. I used to think you would be hard-pressed to find a worse example of a human being in his world, but the things he did, he did out of fear. Fear that was drilled in to him by his own father, and which he then tried to drill into his own kids. If we could take the fear away, it just might be okay. I hope. And I do have hope for him. Which is saying an awful lot.

Joe woke up! He's doing a lot better and now so am I. I had a long chat with Julian too, and we're just fine. Joe says he still feels ill, but the doctors are even more positive than they were yesterday. As long as he doesn't get some sort of secondary infection, we should be okay. So I did make sure I was quite clean and free of TB germs before I went in there.

Take that as a warning. Don't give my brother TB, or I will be forced to manhandle you in a violent manner, and I don't really like being violent. It's all sweaty and dirty in the wrong kind of way. And, incidentally, there's one good thing about dying. I no longer have my incredibly shitty immune system...

I went to see Samson after Jordan came back to be with Joe. He was all excited to see me. Well...Samson excited. It was really surreal... He sort of lit up and then he made me talk about the Bible. Which was easy enough, I've had enough practice! And he actually listened too. Which is good because I feel I'm giving him the less Hellfire version of Christianity. I hope it takes. But he smiled at me and complimented my mother. It's like he's unrecognisable... It pleases me.

And then I went to see poor Lavannah. She looked better today because she's talking again. She keeps coughing though, and it breaks my heart. I love Lavannah so much. I hate that this has happened to her and that it means she has to be in hospital again. I'll tell you what, if anyone told me "sorry, you have this thing which means you have to stay in a dark basement because you'll heal here" I'd be pissed off too.

Not that I am saying your hospital is like a dark basement, Petunia. Just that my dark basement is her hospital. Poor thing. But I made her smile too. That's three in one day. I feel a lot better already.

Spectre tomorrow. Then I will be complete.