Ruminations of an Afterlife

I'm sorry. I've been avoiding you, which I am sure you are far too aware of by now. It's not anything you did, I promise. I've been afraid you would notice... I've been here too long and it hurts, but if I'm not here I can't be with Stephie. And everything she's feeling is my fault, so I have to be with her. I was afraid you would send me away. But that's terrible of me, because you risked so much coming to save me. When I saw you there...besides feeling so fucking relieved it was over, I felt fear. Fear for you because that place...fuck, Spectre. If they got their hands on you, do you know what they would do to you? I know you do. I know that. And you risked that to come for me, and I have spent the last several days saying nothing and I am so sorry.

I love you. I love you more than anything. More than any one. I just didn't want you to see my pain.

Speaking of pain... Now might be a good time to get this thing off of me... Because just thinking about you is causing a reaction and ouch. A lot of ouch. And I got all angry and had a little hissy fit and tried to pull it off? Oh my dear god, mistake.

hi, baby. and everyone else. fingers are starting to hurt now because of stupi fingerscrews. And nother things are startinf as well. which I'm not going to go in to unless you already know. hopeully that'll take a few days to progress... so I'm here in the hospital because i t hurts too much to be acnywhere else. and I have bandages in places i never thought bandages could go.

out of desperation, i seem to have come upon a new plan. Rolf and gavin are going to go threough the patient list of people Gavin rescued from rome. you never know, oneof them could have been a plant. i was. or they could have bought in to the things the templar said. we'll know soon enough. And maybe then i can go away for a little while.