Ruminations of an Afterlife

Oh fuck you, Cardinal Bertone

"Many psychologists, many psychiatrists have demonstrated that there is no relationship between celibacy and paedophilia but many others have demonstrated, I was told recently, that there is a relationship between homosexuality and paedophilia," he said. "That is true. I have the documents of the psychologists. That is the problem."

EXCUSE ME!?

Though I have to say...good on France.

"This is an unacceptable linkage and we condemn this," foreign ministry spokesman Bernard Valero told reporters in Paris. "France is firmly engaged in the struggle against discrimination and prejudice linked to sexual orientation and gender identity."

The attempt to link homosexuality with paedophilia was a "dramatic confession of weakness [betraying] the confused state in which the Catholic Church now finds itself," Mr Merlo added.

If someone is a paedophile, they're a paedophile. And, you know...fucking disgusting. Their sexual orientation is irrelevant. I hate it when I read shit like this. It makes me ashamed of my past but even more so? It hurts me. I gave years...I gave my life for that Church and my lifestyle and the lifestyle of people I love gets attacked like this? It's soulcrushing. Who are they to judge?

I hope one day, this will all go away.

Gavin's safe. He's in Rome with Saul and the boys.

According to them, Peter wasn't in the Templar compound in Rome. So we have no idea where he is.

Fuck.

I'm such a fucking failure.

I didn't even get a chance to feed him breakfast before he fucked off again. I knew he was lying. He said he was using and it was the last time and I knew it was a lie and I still left him alone with Joe. I didn't think he would leave his father lying there like that.

Joe's getting worse, and I lost his only remaining child. Amaris and Jillian are out. Fuck the world.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

She's having a meltdown.

And I'm sorry. I never meant for this to happen. I hesitated for a split second and she noticed because she's too perceptive for her own good.

James is home. And Peter didn't press charges for the money MaryAnne took from him but he did tell her to find somewhere else to live because he doesn't want her around his children now either.

In the end she took him because she missed him. No other reason. She really was just trying to take him away from me. No higher motive of keeping him safe. Nothing. She just brought him here and then she tried to take him back again. I can't even understand.

I'm relieved James is back and alright, but now I'm in hospital and he's at home and it's so frustrating. I want to go home. I want to sleep in my own bed with my husband and wife beside me. But the second they take the IV out, I go into some sort of arrest or something, and can't stand up for hunger. God I hope this doesn't last for months on end. I'll go insane. Insane.

Stupid bloody Amaris fucking up my stupid bloody metabolism. Fuck. I was stuck in one room and now I am again and I'm going to go stir crazy. And I keep seeing things.

God I just want to scream.