Filtered to Spectre

[suave_thomas]

Hey.

If things ever get too much for you and I'm not here, you'd come tell me right? And then someone here of course...

I just have to make sure... Because I don't know if you told anyone how bad things were for you while I wasn't here. Deirdre knew, but she's like that. And she would do anything if it meant you would smile because she loves you more than she loves most people. And I don't know if you told anyone else what you were doing to try to...I don't know, whatever it was. I don't even know if that's entirely relevant, all I know is I had a dream and I need to know that you wouldn't keep what you were feeling bottled up inside.

Comments

[in-spectre-mors.livejournal.com]

I promise. I think I'm someone who will always look after my kids a lot better than I look after myself. And I know that looking after me is looking after them, but you know what I mean. I'll never let them come to any sort of disadvantage because I can't handle it.

I did talk to people about how I was doing, while you were gone. Mostly Abby and Deirdre, and Flynn too. No one else knew about what I was doing, aside from Deirdre of course. I don't know if that would have changed. The truth probably would have come out sooner or later, I suppose. I'm glad it didn't happen enough that it came to that point, though.

I know I'll always have plenty of support, and that very much includes you, first and foremost. I'll let you know. I promise. I love you.

[suave-thomas.livejournal.com]

I just had this dream that you ended up like Lavinia. And I don't mean the fact that she is awesome, because you already are that. I just mean you were struggling and they were struggling and I did not care for that. I really...I don't want my death to fuck everything up. But good. That you would go to someone for help. Me or anyone, it doesn't matter. Lavinia didn't have anyone, even though she tried. I know that won't happen to you. My dreams just mess with my head.

To tell you the truth, I'd rather dream of Amaris for fuck's sake. At least that's just me.

I love you too.

[in-spectre-mors.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry you had to dream that Thomas. I don't care for it either. Not that I would want you dreaming of Amaris, though...

I'm sorry that you're in a situation where you feel worried, too. I know it's terribly hard to not be there all the time. But you're not going away for good, ever, and our kids won't be left in the situation you were. You're one of the best dads I've ever known. We're all going to be okay. We're going to have the happiest kids on the face of the planet. And if we find things difficult, we have a huge and amazing family to help us through.

[suave-thomas.livejournal.com]

It's alright. I can handle dreaming of what happened because when I wake up, I'm with you and it's over. It won't ever happen again and I've seen that with my own eyes. They're just dreams. Dreams that happened, but that's all.

I think that's all I was ever really meant to be. A dad. I did the monk thing and the actor thing and I can do lots of other things...and sure, I didn't get to do it until after I died, but I think it's what I was meant to do anyway. Nothing makes me happier than being a father.

[in-spectre-mors.livejournal.com]

That's true. Amaris' reign of terror is well and truly over now, and we can put the shadows of our past behind us, to the best of our power. And thank goodness for that.

I can certainly agree with that. You're a man of extraordinary talents, but I've never seen you so in your element and at peace as you are with the kids. You really were made for this. It makes me incredibly happy to see that.

[suave-thomas.livejournal.com]

Yes. Thank goodness.

It does? I'm glad. I'm really glad.

[in-spectre-mors.livejournal.com]

Of course it does. Our family gives me everything I could ever want.

[suave-thomas.livejournal.com]

I'm glad for that too then.