To Those in the Know
May. 23rd, 2009 09:10 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
suave_thomasI keep dreaming and dreaming, and it's all memories. Or it was. Now there's added freakout elements which I can't stand. I don't like that I'm reliving those weeks with Amaris every time I sleep, but it's worse when I remember things I'd forgotten. Like...I found bits of wood in that hole underneath the abandoned house. The place she moved me to? The house above was falling apart and splintered wood was littering the floor all over. And I remembered last night that I was so hungry and desperate I tried to eat it. It was filthy and disgusting and wood and I put it in my mouth and I tried to chew it up and it cut my tongue. And then I cried for far too long about the fact that I couldn't eat the wood. There was peeling wallpaper on the walls and I tried to eat that too. It did not work out so well.
I won't tell you what I did eat in case you don't know, but I dreamed about that too.
And then I dreamed Spectre and James were there with me. Obviously, that part isn't memory, but it's twice as terrifying. Watching them suffer, even if I get to wake from it, is more horrible than crying because I was dying of starvation and the wood was inedible.
This along with everything else? I don't need it. Everything's bollocks right now. Except I'm here and that is not bollocks. I'm grateful every day for that.
I won't tell you what I did eat in case you don't know, but I dreamed about that too.
And then I dreamed Spectre and James were there with me. Obviously, that part isn't memory, but it's twice as terrifying. Watching them suffer, even if I get to wake from it, is more horrible than crying because I was dying of starvation and the wood was inedible.
This along with everything else? I don't need it. Everything's bollocks right now. Except I'm here and that is not bollocks. I'm grateful every day for that.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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Date: 2009-05-23 11:21 am (UTC)I'm so sorry the nightmares still haunt you. Those things... they're so awful. I hate that they ever happened to you. It's disgusting and horrible and I can't put into words how much I loathe it. I know how much it must hurt you to see it happen to James and I, even if only in dreams. I wish so much it would just stop.
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Date: 2009-05-23 11:36 am (UTC)I wish it would stop too. Maybe I should get one of those lobotomies!
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Date: 2009-05-23 11:38 am (UTC)The trouble with lobotomies is that they make your eye droop. A bit like Paris Hilton. Maybe that's telling us something...?
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Date: 2009-05-23 11:48 am (UTC)Oh dear God, I wouldn't be surprised. And I don't want to be a Paris-twin. That's not hot.
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Date: 2009-05-23 11:53 am (UTC)There is indeed nothing hot about Paris. Including her punctuation.
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Date: 2009-05-23 11:56 am (UTC)You're really right.
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Date: 2009-05-23 11:59 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-05-23 12:04 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-05-23 12:07 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-05-23 12:09 pm (UTC)I'm safe now. And tonight we are going to order take out and eat until were satisfied. And then you and I can slip away and remind each other how lucky we are, as we do most every night. And after we've fallen asleep, our son will join us thus reminding us again how lucky we are in a very different way!
Am I a trophy husband?
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Date: 2009-05-23 12:12 pm (UTC)Thomas, you may be a prize, and the best prize there is, but you're far more than a trophy husband. That being said, you're pretty enough to be a trophy husband! But I'd never, ever want anything less than equality between us.
Besides, given our age disparity, shouldn't I technically be the trophy husband...?
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Date: 2009-05-23 12:14 pm (UTC)Perfect. That's perfect. I know Adam was joking, of course, but then I had to ask...
Haha, I think the fact that you're the rockstar negates the age difference. Anyway, if you are going to be technical about it, if you add up the time I've spent actually alive, I'm only around 26! And you'll be 28 in a week!
I am going to spoil you rotten. I reckon I'll still be here.
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Date: 2009-05-23 12:18 pm (UTC)Oooh, you sneaky minx! Catching me out on a return technicality! And fair enough, really... you've got me there!
Thomas, nothing would make my birthday better than having you here for it.
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Date: 2009-05-23 12:20 pm (UTC)I'm just that good... (I just don't want to be forty!)
Then I'll be here.
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Date: 2009-05-23 12:22 pm (UTC)I love you, my dearest darling.
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Date: 2009-05-23 12:23 pm (UTC)I love you too, my wonderful husband.
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Date: 2009-05-23 11:22 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-05-23 11:36 am (UTC):)
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Date: 2009-05-23 11:38 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-05-23 11:49 am (UTC)I'm at Peter's. He says if you want to come over, he'd like to see you. Aly says the same thing.
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Date: 2009-05-23 11:54 am (UTC)no subject
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Date: 2009-05-23 11:40 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-05-23 11:50 am (UTC)In the meantime, at least I can dance while I get over the trauma. If I were still alive, I hardly think I'd be dancing yet, or any time soon.
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Date: 2009-05-23 11:54 am (UTC)Your dancing is a natural wonder that should be forever praised.
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Date: 2009-05-23 11:57 am (UTC)Haha, good to know! I do like it when I'm praised!
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Date: 2009-05-23 12:00 pm (UTC)And the umbrella that looks kind of like a bazooka.
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Date: 2009-05-23 12:04 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-05-23 12:07 pm (UTC)Bat-Thomas!
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Date: 2009-05-23 12:10 pm (UTC)Though I prefer to use the weapon of charm. I'm disarming!
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Date: 2009-05-23 12:24 pm (UTC)*makes shifting noise*
I'll come make it in your ear!
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Date: 2009-05-23 12:27 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-05-23 11:53 am (UTC)At least the wood wasn't trying to eat you. I've had dreams like that. Only not wood. Hands. Not that hands have mouths. But dreams don't make sense. Um. The only thing I found really helps is not lying in bed thinking about it before you sleep, which it unhelpful. Oh and having someone there when you wake up, but you've probably already got that down.
I don't have nearly as many nightmares as I used to, though. Tasha's right in that they don't hang around forever. Not as frequently anyway. That's something.
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Date: 2009-05-23 12:00 pm (UTC)Dear God...I wouldn't appreciate having dreams I'm being eaten by the inedible things I'm desperately trying to eat, no... You poor thing. Though I have to say, I'm usually not thinking about it when I go to sleep. Usually I'm thinking "MmmmSpectre" because...well..because of all the sex. And then I sleep and there it is. But when I wake up, you're right. He's there. And that is worth a hell of a lot.
Thank you, Stephie. So much. Would you like to go running again?
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