To Those in the Know

[suave_thomas]

I keep dreaming and dreaming, and it's all memories. Or it was. Now there's added freakout elements which I can't stand. I don't like that I'm reliving those weeks with Amaris every time I sleep, but it's worse when I remember things I'd forgotten. Like...I found bits of wood in that hole underneath the abandoned house. The place she moved me to? The house above was falling apart and splintered wood was littering the floor all over. And I remembered last night that I was so hungry and desperate I tried to eat it. It was filthy and disgusting and wood and I put it in my mouth and I tried to chew it up and it cut my tongue. And then I cried for far too long about the fact that I couldn't eat the wood. There was peeling wallpaper on the walls and I tried to eat that too. It did not work out so well.

I won't tell you what I did eat in case you don't know, but I dreamed about that too.

And then I dreamed Spectre and James were there with me. Obviously, that part isn't memory, but it's twice as terrifying. Watching them suffer, even if I get to wake from it, is more horrible than crying because I was dying of starvation and the wood was inedible.

This along with everything else? I don't need it. Everything's bollocks right now. Except I'm here and that is not bollocks. I'm grateful every day for that.

Comments

[empress-tasha.livejournal.com]

Recurring dreams are the worst. It's bollocks that you have to deal with that, damn right. And yeah... a lot of stuff sucks right now. We're getting hammered. Again. Argh. God I wish you could find peace in your sleep. But I'm glad that you do have places and people in which to find peace when you're awake.

[suave-thomas.livejournal.com]

When I'm awake, things are alright. I'm at your house!! Which is fun! And my family are so fucking amazing, I can't even express it. And Spectre and James are safe and not starving to death in a hole. And all of that is significantly better than nothing.

[empress-tasha.livejournal.com]

The waking world does have a lot to offer the Thomas. That makes me so happy, you know. Seeing things make you happy again... it's the best thing. Undisturbed sleep will come, I'm sure. These things won't cling on forever.

[suave-thomas.livejournal.com]

No, they won't. Those damn wrist cuffs came off eventually. Dead or no, they're gone. The dreams will follow.

In the meantime, at least I can dance while I get over the trauma. If I were still alive, I hardly think I'd be dancing yet, or any time soon.

[empress-tasha.livejournal.com]

And they can all go to hell where they belong.

Your dancing is a natural wonder that should be forever praised.

[suave-thomas.livejournal.com]

So very true!

Haha, good to know! I do like it when I'm praised!

[empress-tasha.livejournal.com]

We shall all bow down before the mighty Dance of Thomas.

And the umbrella that looks kind of like a bazooka.

[suave-thomas.livejournal.com]

A dapper bazooka man?!

[empress-tasha.livejournal.com]

By the powers of dapper and bazooka combined...

Bat-Thomas!

[suave-thomas.livejournal.com]

That's me!!

Though I prefer to use the weapon of charm. I'm disarming!

[empress-tasha.livejournal.com]

The bazooka is just a distraction for your true, ultimate weapon. Hidden in plain sight!

[suave-thomas.livejournal.com]

That's how I roll!

[empress-tasha.livejournal.com]

Like an Autobot?

[suave-thomas.livejournal.com]

I would so be an Autobot. I wanted to be for my entire childhood!

[empress-tasha.livejournal.com]

Well, aside from the not being a robot, I'm pretty damn sure you qualify.

[suave-thomas.livejournal.com]

Yay!!

*makes shifting noise*

I'll come make it in your ear!

[empress-tasha.livejournal.com]

Haha, right you are!