Ruminations of an Afterlife

Thomas, thank you. I don't want you to avoid me either. And I'm so sorry for what happened, but I know you know that. I need you in my life too. I honestly think you taught me what love is. Because before you, there had been no one. Before you, there was no one. You were my first love, and the fact that you're dead doesn't exactly escape my irony meters. Kat's first love would be a dead guy. I'm so hardc0re. But Thomas...thank you for teaching me that. Because if it weren't for you, I honestly don't know if I could have the relationships I have with people now. I wouldn't have understood how to. And you helped me through what was probably the most horrible time of my life. I was pregnant and Bianca was gone...and then there was this sexy, wonderful man who actually cared. It wasn't just about sex. You proved that when you refused to sleep with me before I knew about the whole heart not beating thing. And it felt so good just to have someone who gave a damn, you know? Loved me despite being fat and bitchy and hormonal and everything else I was then. I think that's why I freaked out so much when I lost that. When you started seeing Mary and Spectre because we couldn't honestly be together... I saw myself losing that stability.

Then Alessa taught me that I didn't lose it after all.

So thank you, Thomas. For all of that. And I need you too. I'm so glad you're okay again. Seeing you like you were...that was horrifying. And I'm really glad Spectre's okay too. I was really worried.

And uhm...thanks for looking out for Jubilee. And Bianca. And being awesome.

Thomas? Sometimes...I'm afraid that...what if I mess up again?

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My first love was a monk. If you're hardc0re, what am I?

And...joking aside, you're welcome. I was just glad to be there, Kat. Really. I felt honoured to be the person you let help you through that time. And you were not fat, you were and are gorgeous. I'm glad I gave you strength. And I'm so sorry I took it away. I'm sorry that my circumstances meant I couldn't be what you needed. I do hate that, Kat. Being dead is such a bummer sometimes.

And thank everything for Alessa.

Being like that was horrifying, but it's over now. And it won't happen again. We know better now. As for Spectre, I was worried too. Obviously. I think Peter got sick of me saying 'can we go now, can we go now, can we go now' every three seconds when he was trying to be organisy. I'm so helpful.

I always will.

You won't, Kat. Spectre just asked me to move into his room with him, and I wouldn't fuck that up for anything. And you...you love Alessa and you're doing well and she's the mother of your children. You're not going to fuck that up, either. You and I, we learn from our mistakes, unlike some people. And yeah...that was a fucking big mistake. So the lesson better be just as big. You know what you stand to lose. So, Kat? Don't lose it.

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Quite naughty, I think!!

I bet it is a bummer. Poor dead Thomas. But you know...I'm sure having a Spectre and a Mary eases that burden somewhat! ;)

I always thank everything for Alessa.

That is a very cute mental image if I take it out of the horrible context where my friend was in pain. I'm sure your frantic questioning there was actually you holding back too...

Yeah...yeah, you're right. I just scared myself. I didn't know I was capable of that, and I've been terrified since then that I'll fuck up again. You're right though. I do know what I stand to lose. And I won't. (Also, Spectreroom*squee*)

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That's probably true!

Oh how it eases it...I am the luckiest man on the planet.

I was holding back, but I didn't think screaming, "GET YOUR FUCKING ARSES IN GEAR OR I'LL THROW YOU TO GLASGOW" was the correct way to treat the people who were going to help me save my Spectre.

There you go. And yes, there was definitely some squee! Okay, 'some' is a lie...

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I'll hum naughty monk porn music later. OH! Come to Lugosi's when Spectre's feeling better! You have to see Chloe and my show, it's awesome!

And I'm the luckiest woman! What a pair!

Yes...that probably wouldn't have been the correct motivation, but I think everyone would have understood...

Socute.

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Is that like...chanting 'bow-chicka-wow-wow'?

Indeed!

Well I would have bought them all lollipops later...

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I'll ask Peter, he's ThE cHoRuSmAsTeR.

AHhaha lollipops as amends for screaming. I like.

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Oh! Can I be there when you ask him! I want to see his face! He too that chorusmastering so seriously! He wouldn't even let me near the chapel when they were practising because he knew I was so tonedeaf he was afraid it would spread to the others through the air!

Well...lollipops and hugs.

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Deal! And HAHAHHAH Airbourne Tonedeafness. Nooooo it's spreading!!!1

That makes all the difference :)

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So of course sometimes I had to show up and sing along loudly because he does this cute little shudder thing when someone's off-key. He can sense a missed note from a mile away...

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You're such a menace. And I so would have done the same thing!

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Teamwork is awesome.

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I love you, Thomas :)

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I love you too, Kat.

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gonetoground.livejournal.com

I love you both :)

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And that's damn good to hear :)

Let's get all rugged up and take our daughters to the park. I feel like going out somewhere with my family.

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gonetoground.livejournal.com

It's damn good to say :) A journey to the park with the world's three most beautiful women sounds like an excellent plan to me.

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Hooray! I'll get those adorable little parkas I bought the girls. With the fuzzy hoods! They'll be so cute, Alessa!!

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gonetoground.livejournal.com

So adorable! They should be fuzzy all the time :)

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I love you too, Alessa.

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I'm so proud of both of you. What happened could have been dire indeed, but we've all come out of it without losing anything. We've all learnt something. And, I believe, we've all come out stronger. Nothing will ever stop us.

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I think we're stronger too, Baby. Thank you. For being wonderful.

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Thank you for doing the same, Thomas. You've helped me so much to be this way. I think all five of us are very much the better for where we are, and who we are with. Great gifts indeed have been heaped upon us, and I am forever grateful.

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I couldn't agree more.

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Hell no, nothing will.

It's good to hear from you :)

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And the same to you, Kat. It's so wonderful to see your face again. After such a dreary time in the clutches of my lunatic father, just the sight of your gorgeous pink hair is amazing.

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I'll come visit in person soon, Muffin. I hear you have a little sister! I want to meet her. Sisters are priceless.

I'm so sorry you had a dreary time. God...I'm going to bring you so many presents.

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Wonderful! I'm sure Mara will absolutely adore you. She and Thomas have already bonded so deeply. I can't wait to share that with you.

All my dear friends and family are making up for the dreary now. You'll definitely be a stunning part of that, lovely Kat.

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Thomas is amazing with children. And everyone, but I think children appreciate him so much because he treats them like he treats everyone else instead of like kids. And that's a really incredible gift. I'm glad your sister has that. And you, Spectre.

Wonderful. That makes me so happy to hear.

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Yeah... I think you're absolutely right. Thomas does have that amazing gift with children. I think it's also because he's not afraid to stay young himself. He has so much joy inside him, I don't think anyone could fail to be attracted to that. I know how incredibly lucky I am to have him in my life, as my lover. I'm thankful every day, not just when he's here, but when he's gone, too.

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He does has so much joy in him. And it's so good to see him like that again. It really is. I can't imagine how much of a relief it is for you.

Your relationship is beautiful.

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Thank you, Kat. It means so much to me to hear you say that. More than I could ever put into words alone. What you and Thomas have is incredibly beautiful too, and I love how happy you make each other. The beautiful things you do for each other. I know you're a big part of Thomas' happiness, always. I'm so glad you have each other.

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