To Those in the Know

[suave_thomas]

Apparently my father has pancreatic cancer. Mums just rang from the hospital. He called her. I don't understand why, but maybe it was just because he's alone and she's too wonderful to leave him there with no one. Either way...I can't go see him. And even if I could, I don't know if I would. Mums said we didn't have to. But that's why he wanted to see us. He admitted that he wanted to see Joe, Abby, Adam and Ellie because he was dying and dying has a way of making people realise their mistakes. Not that he admitted them.

He's dying and I'm alive again. And it's weird.

Comments

[in-spectre-mors.livejournal.com]

Oh my. Pancreatic cancer, that's terrible. How is Mums doing? Is she going to be coming home? I'd like to set something up for her if she is. Flowers, cookies, that sort of thing. Despite everything Bernard has - or hasn't - done, this can't be easy.

And how are you doing, Thomas? I know he's hardly a wonder of the world, but he's your father. Having lost my mother recently... I can certainly understand where you're coming from, if you want to talk, or anything really...

[suave-thomas.livejournal.com]

She says she'll be home tonight. Mad Dog's with her. He's wonderful, you know? Absolutely wonderful. And no, I don't assume it is easy for her. They were married for...eleven years before he left? Something like that.

I don't actually feel anything. Which does worry me, because I feel bad when I accidentally step on ants. I hate that the poor things die because I was clumsy. So not actually caring that my father is dying...that's big.

[in-spectre-mors.livejournal.com]

Good, very good. Mad Dog is an amazing man. I'm so glad he'll be there for her, along with te rest of us. Eleven years is a long time to be close to someone, even if it's far in the past now. Our poor Mums...

It's big, but it's not without reason, either. When my mother died, to be perfectly honest, I was probably more upset by the way I found out than the fact that she was gone. She wasn't horrible, but she was culpable, and it wasn't until very late in life that she did anything about that. I don't think there's necessarily anything wrong with not feeling anything about this, unless that in itself is going to bother you.

[suave-thomas.livejournal.com]

We'll take care of her, there's no doubt about that.

It's not going to bother me. It's out of character, but it's really only him, the Templar and Amaris that I feel that way about. Everyone else, I'd do anything for. Maybe it's harsh, ranking him with the likes of them. But the effects he had on the people I love just because he was selfish...they're very similar.

[in-spectre-mors.livejournal.com]

He deserves harsh, though. There's no denying that. He did have a terrible effect on your life, and the lives of those you loved. In this case, I think you're entitled to think of yourself, and rank him with whoever you think he belongs with.

[suave-thomas.livejournal.com]

Just as long as I don't lose myself in the anger. I didn't before. The first time I was alive, I was able to move past it. I just have to allow myself to do it again.

[in-spectre-mors.livejournal.com]

I have no doubt you will, Thomas. You're a man of strong mind and convictions. I believe you can do anything you put your heart into.

[suave-thomas.livejournal.com]

And it's important for everyone that I love that I do. So I will.

[in-spectre-mors.livejournal.com]

My darling... I love you so much.

[suave-thomas.livejournal.com]

I love you too.