Ruminations of an Afterlife

Oh my. Pancreatic cancer, that's terrible. How is Mums doing? Is she going to be coming home? I'd like to set something up for her if she is. Flowers, cookies, that sort of thing. Despite everything Bernard has - or hasn't - done, this can't be easy.

And how are you doing, Thomas? I know he's hardly a wonder of the world, but he's your father. Having lost my mother recently... I can certainly understand where you're coming from, if you want to talk, or anything really...

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She says she'll be home tonight. Mad Dog's with her. He's wonderful, you know? Absolutely wonderful. And no, I don't assume it is easy for her. They were married for...eleven years before he left? Something like that.

I don't actually feel anything. Which does worry me, because I feel bad when I accidentally step on ants. I hate that the poor things die because I was clumsy. So not actually caring that my father is dying...that's big.

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Good, very good. Mad Dog is an amazing man. I'm so glad he'll be there for her, along with te rest of us. Eleven years is a long time to be close to someone, even if it's far in the past now. Our poor Mums...

It's big, but it's not without reason, either. When my mother died, to be perfectly honest, I was probably more upset by the way I found out than the fact that she was gone. She wasn't horrible, but she was culpable, and it wasn't until very late in life that she did anything about that. I don't think there's necessarily anything wrong with not feeling anything about this, unless that in itself is going to bother you.

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We'll take care of her, there's no doubt about that.

It's not going to bother me. It's out of character, but it's really only him, the Templar and Amaris that I feel that way about. Everyone else, I'd do anything for. Maybe it's harsh, ranking him with the likes of them. But the effects he had on the people I love just because he was selfish...they're very similar.

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He deserves harsh, though. There's no denying that. He did have a terrible effect on your life, and the lives of those you loved. In this case, I think you're entitled to think of yourself, and rank him with whoever you think he belongs with.

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Just as long as I don't lose myself in the anger. I didn't before. The first time I was alive, I was able to move past it. I just have to allow myself to do it again.

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I have no doubt you will, Thomas. You're a man of strong mind and convictions. I believe you can do anything you put your heart into.

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And it's important for everyone that I love that I do. So I will.

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My darling... I love you so much.

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I love you too.

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Oh Thomas, I'm so sorry. I don't... really think much of anything of Bernard, but at a time like this... I know people see things differently. If there's anything I can do for any of you, I'm here. Always.

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Hey, right there with you, Chickadee. I don't think much of anything of him either. Well I think he's a dick. I'm not seeing anything differently. He's going to a nice place.

I don't think he deserves that.

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Hmm... yeah, I see what you mean. In a sense, the idea of Heaven and Hell does seem more just. But then it becomes a matter of whose justice, and blah religious philosophical debate. The point is, you're sure as hell not under any obligation to feel differently. Not at all.

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I don't necessarily think he deserves hell. I think he deserves life. I think he deserves to live to be 140 and be alone the entire time because of the shit he pulled. That's what I think he deserves.

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I really can't argue against that. It sounds very fitting to me.

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Love you, Tasha.

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I love you, darling Thomas.

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Aw, fuck... that's horrible. I'm sorry to hear it, man. I guess, whatever improvements he can make in the time he has left, that's a good thing. Maybe he will admit his mistakes to Lavinia. We can hope, yeah? Might be the time for him to understand. Late, fucking late, but at least not never.

Man... I totally get the feeling weird thing. You're always welcome here, if there's any help we can give.

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People are saying they're sorry for me and it's not me who gives a damn. Be sorry for Mums, she's sad. I'm...pretty much nothing. I'll never trust any improvements he makes because he's probably just making them to make himself feel better. He had thirty years to do so. Doing it now because all of a sudden there's a deadline? That's bull. It's bull and I do not think it's okay. I'd rather have it be never. Then at least he was being honest.

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Yeah, that's a good point. Maybe he is just making himself feel better, which sucks. Sucks that he's dragging Lavinia through it too, if that's what this is. Well, I know I'll be there for her, and obviously a heap of other people besides. We'll make sure he doesn't get under her skin.

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Mums will feel better about herself that she's there. It sucks that he's dragging her into it, but she'll be glad he did, for better or worse. I can't say the same for my siblings though.

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Well, I'm glad it'll do your mum good. She's an awesome woman, always has been and always will be. I'm sorry about the others, though. Sucks that they have to deal with it. I'll do everything I can to be a mate for them too, though.

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Thanks, MG. You're wonderful.

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