Ruminations of an Afterlife

Speaking of dads. Do I have something to tell you!

I'm sorry that you feel this way, Thomas. I'm sorry you're in a situation where it's possible. It's so crappy for you. Let me once again express my adoration at you being here to help when this is what you go through. But you are a treasure and those kids your friends have need you too. They love you. You are integral to their lives.

And, if it makes you feel better, I think you'd be an amazing father too.

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...What!? Is this something I'm going to blow up about?

It's okay, Abs. I'll deal like I always do. I just wanted to vent a little. And thank you for saying I'm a treasure! I do like to shine!

Thanks, Abs. I love you!

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You might. I'll come see you after you come back from hugging the gorgeous Tasha.

Venting is good for you! It keeps you sane!

I love you too.

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Okay, Darlin'.

SANE?! Well, I suppose it keeps be from punching 78 year olds....

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Heh. Mmhmm.

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I know it's not the same, but you created a life for me. I wouldn't have half the happiness I have now if it weren't for you.

I can relate what you mean, though, at least partially. I could have children with a woman, but the problematic term there is of course woman. If I have children, it's not going to happen naturally. Of course, I'm very thankful that modern science has given people like me options, but there's still something so beautiful about the union between Peter and Aly, or David and Christina. It would be lovely to be able to experience that. There's just no impregnating me, though.

I love you, Thomas. I think you'd make a brilliant dad, including explaining to them about not jumping out of trees.

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And it's one of the things I'm most grateful for, Love.

No...there's no impregnating me either. Though that part I think I'm glad about. He says maleishly. You'd be the most beautiful father, Spectre. You really would!

I love you too! And are you kidding, I'd be right there with them telling them to flap hard or whatever. I don't think I'd be so good at the...not having them be crazy thing.

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Oh, don't get me wrong, I do see the benefits of not being impregnated! The natural end of the whole pregnant me scenario is just... so very wrong. But thank you for thinking I'd be a beautiful father! I'm glad you think so, though I think you'd be the most beautiful!

If they were a demon or an angel, you could get away with the "flap hard" scenario...

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That's a disagreement that will never end, Gorgeous! Well...it might end with falling in to bed, which is quite nice really... Though I do agree that the natural end of a male pregnancy is just...icky. And...un-natural really. Big no.

That's true!!

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Oooh, that natural falling-into-bed end is much more appealing. I'm almost tempted to keep the argument up, but it sounds like you and Abby have something important to talk about. If there's anything I can do to help, of course you know I'll be there.

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You can come, Darling! Like you said before, there's nothing I have to say that you can't hear.

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I do love that I can be that for you. I'm ready when you are, sweethearts.

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And we can fall in bed later.

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I would carry your baby, Spectre!

Please note, I am not trying to convince you to have a baby with me, as I am not some crazy woman desperate to be pregnant. Just saying I would.

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Abby... that is so beautiful of you. Thank you. That really means so much more to me than I could ever say. I love you so much.

And just so you know, I didn't think you were being crazy at all! Just incredibly sweet, my darling.

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Oh good! Sometimes people think I'm crazy, but I'm just really forward... I blame Mum!

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Blame? Hardly! I give her the credit!

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She's BBQing tomorrow because she finally feels better and Thomas won't shut up about how he needs it, which is beyond adorable.

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Wonderful! Lavinia's barbecues are occasions not to be missed!

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I know exactly what you mean. Well, almost. I don't know the dead part, but the rest... I imagine that's probably part of why I'm on this filter, aside from the obvious being your friend.

It was really hard for me at first, being around pregnant women when I knew I'd destroyed any chance I might have at having children myself. I love children, I love babies. And because of my stupid mental illness, I really fucked things up for that part of my life. Well, I fucked up one option, anyway. Kait could still have babies, so I can still be a mum. But it would be nice to have the choice. I know how that is.

I wish you could be here all the time. I wish you could create a new branch of your family. You deserve that, and if it were in my power, you would have it in a heartbeat. I'm glad you can take joy in the happiness around you, though. That's so fundamentally you, seeing the best in every situation. I love you, Thomas. You always bring the best with you.

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...Oh bloody hell, I didn't even think. I'm so sorry. It's not why. I put you on the filter because you're one of my best friends and you always make me feel better. I am so sorry, Renee.

Yeah...it's pretty crappy not to have the choice. I know there are some people out there who don't want it, and good for them for knowing that and not falling to society's pressure that says you must have children or you're somehow lacking. But to not be able to decide just...sucks.

I'm glad I can take joy in the happiness around me too. It would be horrible if I didn't. If I just ignored it to be angry in my own little cloud of death. That's so not me. It would be very boring! I love you too, Renee. I hope I didn't upset you.

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No, you didn't upset me, darling! I'm okay to talk about it these days. It took me a long time, but I got there. I think realising that I'm not ready to be a mother yet was a part of that. It's not something that ought to be a factor in my life, yet. And someday, Kait will have our baby, or babies, mine and Deirdre's. Genetics be damned, they'll be ours, and they'll be beautiful.

You are so very far from angry-cloud-of-death man. You're the polar opposite. That's part of why we need you so often. Wherever you go, you bring happiness with you. You have a most superb gift, Thomas. Thus proving that you didn't upset me!

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They will be yours and they will be beyond beautiful. And I will be Uncle Thomas again! I'm proud of you, Renee. You are beyond beautiful as well. So very beyond beautiful.

I like having that gift. Making people smile is important to me. Bringing them happiness is too. Which I suppose is part of why I want to be a father. I want to give someone else the love I didn't have, you know? Not that I was lacking in love at all. Not for a second, I had an abundance, but I didn't have a father. And I want to give someone that. But Tamm and Tasha have assured me that I do. And I feel better.

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I would love for you to be uncle to my children one day. I wouldn't want to accept anything less! And thank you so much, my darling. I love to hear that I make you proud. You make me feel so wonderful.

You're such a giving soul. You give at every opportunity, and if you don't get an opportunity, you make one. That's absolutely incredible. I'm so glad Tasha and Tamm were able to give something back to make you feel better. They're both sensational *smiles*

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You are all sensational, which is why I filtered this to you! Because you're my loved ones and I trust you.

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And I love and trust you, Thomas. Always *snuggles*

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empress-tasha.livejournal.com

You're like a father to me, Thomas. I have my dad, of course, even though Father is gone. But it's always good to know you're there. I can turn to you the way I would to a father. I can talk to you about my troubles without any fear of being judged. I know you love me unconditionally, and I love you. You're an endless source of comfort to me, Thomas. You may not be a biological father, but I don't think you will ever be without children.

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Tasha...thank you. You just made my night. Thank you so much. I have to run over there and hug you now, see you soon!

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empress-tasha.livejournal.com

Oooh, yay! You're welcome!

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i wish my dad had told me that jumpin' out of a tree to see if i could fly wasn't a good idea... course, i needed to be told that at sixteen, which prob'ly isn't normal. i blame the ouzo.

seriously though, i couldn't agree more, you'd be an awesome dad. you're joyful and open-minded and you take things as what they, and people as they come. that's worth so much in a world like this, man. ain't many people willin' to do that. any kid would be lucky to be yours. i reckon all the kids growin' up around you are lucky to have an uncle thomas. i wish there could be a daddy thomas, but failin' that, i'm real glad there's kids out there like zoe and bianca and matthew and thomas and all the others who get to have you in their lives. that's a big difference in the world, man, and you're makin' it. cos y'know, you're awesome.

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Ouzo will do that to you! But really, I'd do it now. So...at least we're alike! Ahem.

I do love being their Uncle Thomas. I love being around them and helping and watching them grow up. They'll never be a "well I can't have my own so I'll settle for them" thing to me. Ever. They're not a substitute. They're incredible.

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dude, you sayin' we're alike, i take that as a really huge compliment. so thank you for that. i reckon it's a good way to be.

your words are music to my ears, man. i ain't hardly ready to think about kids for myself, but i love all the little ones around me. i never saw myself as that guy, but they've totally won me over. especially kat's. i love 'em like nothin' else. i know exactly what you mean, dude.

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Ooh, fantastic! I am glad to really huge compliment you! You deserve them! So you're welcome!

Kat's children are beautiful. It's hard sometimes, to be around them because I was so much a part of Kat's life while she was pregnant and now I am...less a part of it. Or it's in a different way. Which is completely for the best, but sometimes it makes me sad because I love those little girls so much and I could be there for them. But Alessa is. And she's damn amazing with them. And those little girls deserve someone they can have for always and nothing less. And I think they have the most amazing Godfather as well.

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thank you again, dude. i totally understand wishin' you could be more. kat means so much to me. in a different way to you, obviously. she's my best friend. i've never met anyone like her. we just get each other, you know? so there's no way me and the kids wouldn't be a part of each other's lives. they're all so precious to me, and i really wish i could share 'em with you. you deserve to be the huge part of their lives you want to be. they deserve to be able to have you. and i agree, alessa is fuckin' amazing, i just wish we could have it all. no harm in dreamin', right?

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I do know. Peter and I just get each other too. We always have (after I got over my initial aversion to him because he was a richboy) so I know what you mean. And no, there's no harm in dreaming. But I love Kat too much to want her to be unhappy just so she could be with me. I have Spectre and Mary and she has Alessa and things are right now.

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